crayola-keyboard-laptop-awful

My family has an odd sense of humor. They like giving me funny gifts that have no practical value. Maybe it’s payback for giving my little brother a vuvuzuela last Christmas.

This year, they gave me a Crayola keyboard for children. It’s large, brightly colored, and utterly useless. This keyboard is the gift I never knew I didn’t want. It made me laugh on Christmas Day, so I guess it did that well.

In the humorous spirit, I’ve written a short review of my new least favorite peripheral. Here’s why no one should ever buy this crappy keyboard again.

Good Lord, the Size

The worst thing about this keyboard oddly isn’t its bright color or bizarre layout. It’s the size. Each key on the Crayola keyboard is massive.

keys-designed-giant-fingers-mine

It totally throws off my typing. When I place my fingers where they’d be on a normal keyboard, they end up on totally different keys. Touch typing is impossible.

I found more success hunting and pecking for words. This made my typing merely competent rather than abysmal the way it was.

Of course, this destroyed my typing speed. I used the keyboard to write this review and hated every minute of the experience. So. Slow.

Laid Out Flat

Then there are the layout problems. Apparently the Crayola keyboard was made for and designed by children, because only an adult blinded by crayons at the Crayola factory would create this layout.

lack-cmd-key-mac-experience

The massive keys leave no room for a right Shift, number pad, or any Windows keys. This means you cant use any Command shortcuts in OS X, which would be all of them. Also means no Windows shortcut for PCs.

The period, question mark, semicolon and apostrophe keys have also migrated somewhere else. In case you held out any hopes of being able to touch type, don’t even bother.

Keyboard Quality

The keyboard itself also fails every imaginable test of quality. The colors are too bright and look like… well, a box of crayons.

keyboard-looks-ugly-everything

Pressing keys requires an amount of force reserved for karate chops or fighting off muggers. The Backspace key requires an incredible amount of pressure to work, and often still doesn’t.

Do Not Buy Anyone This Keyboard

I laughed at the Crayola keyboard when I got it on Christmas day because the idea of actually using this walking crime against computing was absurd.

I tried to type this entirely on the Crayola keyboard but got fed up by the start of the previous section. It aggravates me too much.

crayola-logo-reminds-using

The only redeeming quality of this keyboard is its kid-friendly design. Kids would be hard-pressed to break its sturdy frame or hurt themselves somehow.

However, I’d advise against even getting one for a kid. You don’t want your kid to grow up learning the keys to the keyboard in the wrong place. That stuff confuses kids.

In my mind, the only real reason to buy this keyboard is as a gag gift for someone else. It should elicit a laugh from any tech-oriented person.